Who Are You?
Really!
In the Dutch language we have a saying which says — Whomever you hang out with, will poison you — which pretty much means that the way you are acting, thinking, doing, and believing will be an average of the way the people you spend the most time with are influencing you. Spend enough time around someone and you will start to mirror the other person in some way. You will start liking or even loving the same things. You will behave in a similar manner. You will even start eating the same foods, listen to the same music, or wear similar clothing.
On a deeper level, you might lash out about situations you dislike same as your friends or family does. You might share the same beliefs, convictions, feelings and emotions as the people you hang out with most.
So if you ever wondered who you really are, then the first thing to do is have a look around you. Because when you want to change things in life, attract new circumstances or build a new belief system for yourself, then either you need to change the people you hang out with, or along the way life will change that for you automatically.
If you are constantly surrounded by people who have a mindset of lack, automatically you will pick up on that and start feeling lack in different areas of your life. This will hold you back when you want to be more abundant and prosperous in life. If you want to fall in love and have a romantic relationship but you are surrounded by people who take love for granted or enjoy lots of dating, one night stands and move from lover to lover, then chances are you will end up the same way.
We often say we cannot change our lives because that person doesn’t let you, or your family doesn’t want you to change, or ‘my life is just too hard right now’. If that, then you really need to have a good look on who is influencing you on a daily basis. If your life is too busy, then you are letting your life be run by other people. And if you think that’s how it’s supposed to be, then think again.
To figure out who you really are, there is an easy fun exercise for you to do…
We all know the family tree right? Well in that same way let’s make a ‘people tree’. You are the stem of the tree, and every branch you have is a person close to you. All the branches surround the stem and feed the stem with something. What is that something? The thickest branch you draw is the one closest to you. Does that thick branch have smaller branches? Because the branch might be under the influence by others as well. When you look at all the branches, how do they influence the stem? (i.e. you)?
Write down at least 5 people (max. 10) that are connected to you closely. And then think of the 5 most influential characteristics or personalities that these 5 people have towards you. How do they make you feel? How do they influence your thoughts and emotions? How is their life going? Are they doing well? Or are they down and out?
When you have the 5 people close to you, and the 5 most important ways they influence you, then you will have 25 different descriptions. And believe me, most of those 25 descriptions, describe who you are or even (like it or not) who you’re trying to be.
Be honest though, no easy out! If a person has bad and good qualities then you need to find out what weighs more for you. Don’t be trying to hide their imperfections because they also have a good side to them. If the bad part influences you more, then be honest and write that down. No one needs to read this, no need to discuss it with others. This exercise is just for you. So be honest, be clear, and find out what makes you you.
So who are you? Now you know. Do you like this person? Are there things you’d like to change to better yourself? If so, then it’s time to lessen the time you spend with that person who influences you mostly on that part of who you are. When you decide you want to be totally different, then go out and find new people to surround yourself with, people who have a different outlook on life that you feel you want to connect with.
Life is yours to live. Live it in a way that it supports you to be, or to become, the best version of yourself.
Andrew Schultink is a Certified PSYCH-K® Facilitator and PMA Talk Therapist
