If it’s so great, why isn’t everybody doing it?
…and other ways your ego is (unnecessarily) protecting you
Recently I had an very interesting session with a retired hard working man who just didn’t want to stop working, so he began an online business. Even though he wanted to work and keep busy, he did have trouble trying to focus and actually get his online business rolling. Granted, he has a retirement fund and he doesn’t have to work for the money, so there was no pressure or need for him to work. It was a choice of his own.
Mostly his challenge was a lack of focus and a serious case of procrastinating. For many people going to work, having set times to start, to have lunch breaks, knowing when to go home, is easy. Everything is laid out by your employer and all you have to do is stick to the rules. When my client had worked his whole life for an employer till the day he retired, he had a problem making a set schedule to work from his home office. He just didn’t know how to plan his own workday as a self-employed individual because his employer used to plan his entire workweek.
During our session we had some eye-openers and we really seemed to go forward where my client gained some insight on how to change his ways. The session was going fine till we were almost done and then all of a sudden my client stepped on the breaks, full stop and got defensive. Actually the plans we made were great, he was looking forward to making his business a success yet after it all sank in he said ‘If this is so great, then why isn’t everybody doing it?’
All of a sudden the ideas we had and the insights he had gotten overwhelmed him, and my client started to focus on his doubts and insecurities. Why isn’t everybody doing this? Why aren’t other people successful? Why should I even start if there are plenty who failed? I might fail too!
The headway we were making showed the actual challenge he faced which resulted him in procrastinating and lack of focus. He never had to make his own choices at work, he never stepped out and took any risks, he never learned how to deal with his insecurities by stepping outside the comfort zone. The resistance he had, came from his own ego.
The ego knows what it knows. It knows when you are safe. It knows what might be risky. It knows from past choices and conclusions what was either good or bad. So whenever we try to do something which isn’t in accordance with the information stored by the ego, it will hit the breaks and come up with all kinds of reasoning NOT to do, NOT to believe, NOT to excel, or NOT to take any steps towards the unknown. And in this case success is something unknown to my client.
Actually achieving something on his own and getting praised for it, having success, others looking up to him, and then of course being accountable for all that… that scared him so much that the ego just came up with lots of reasons to just procrastinate and focus on other things instead of actually starting and working on his online business.
Another way of the ego getting in between…
…and in this case it’s when you’re actually in a flow state
Did you ever notice how everything goes smooth once you’re totally in a flow state? Things just click, they just happen naturally and it’s like the world that is surrounding you is given you all the benefits. You’re happy, energetic and totally at ease.
Let me give an example. Lets just say you are on the road driving your car. You are totally happy and enjoying your ride. Then while on the highway there is a traffic jam ahead. But you are in flow state, still happy, singing a song and totally not worried about the traffic jam. Then when you get in line at the end somehow cars just seem to move aside giving you room to go through the traffic jam like a breeze. You see room within the chaos of traffic and you shift lanes from left to right at exactly the right moments. You are in flow and things just work out for you.
Now here is where it goes wrong. You see you are passing by more and more cars. Then the ego kicks in and starts judging others and comparing you to other drivers. This could be a ‘haha I’m passing you all by and you’re still stuck’ kind of thought. Or something like ‘Darn how come this fool moved there, now he’s at a full stop, how did he not see the openings I see. I am so awesome and lucky’.
As soon as you start thinking in that manner, flow quits, flow spits you out and hell is at your feet. Now you are as stuck as the rest of the people because you are no longer the calm and inward looking person. You started looking outwards and feeling high and mighty over others. The ego is responsible for placing judgement or ridiculing others, and then the flow you had is gone.
The ego plays in a lot when it comes to judgement, insecurities, comparison, protection, and so on. It can make you feel cocky, high and mighty, or it can make you feel scared which forces you to withdraw.
As much as the ego does actually help us out in some ways, in other instances it blocks us from expressing kindness, striving to achieve something, it can make us dishonest and mess with our integrity or authenticity.
Ever had yourself look back on a situation where you were totally not yourself and you said or did things that were way out of the ordinary? That was ego in motion trying to make you do things to keep you from something good, or to direct you away from something considered bad.
We’re all stuck with our ego but we can get some control over the way we do things. Better yet, we can even teach the ego that it doesn’t always need to keep us safe and we can actually move outside our comfort zone. Success isn’t that scary at all, and being accountable is a way we grow as humans.
Others don’t have to be ridiculed in order for us to feel better about ourselves. Judging others is actually part of something we notice in ourselves, but project outwards because we are too afraid to confront ourselves with our own mistakes or weaknesses.
How do we change (or mold) our ego?
Changing the ego habits is easier then you’d think. The ego changes it’s ways by getting new insights. If you have always feared something, the ego will try to save you from situations which are (even remotely) similar. Yet when you get a new insight which proves the fears don’t have any foundation, or if you are able to overcome this fear by facing it, then the ego will use this new insight as the current criterion for making choices.
Now there is another way of teaching the ego something. In the example of my client above there is a choice to be made. Does my client choose freedom? Or does he choose security. Often you cannot have one, and also the other. If you need a steady job, same income, same daily routine then sure you are secure, but there is no freedom to make other choices. And when choosing to have freedom, the securities you have will greatly decrease. If you always had your freedom, then security will scare the ego. Because it will bind you.
Have you always had security, then the ego will fear freedom because it has no idea what to cling on to. This is a huge step outside the comfort zone no matter what you do. Yet when you do, the ego will find it’s not so scary after all. Then within freedom the ego will search for way to make you also feel secure. And then you are secure, it will enjoy a sense of freedom.
The ego will keep your life in balance, so make sure it’s balanced the way you seek it to be… Be aware of the ego triggers, often originating from subconscious beliefs, and teach the ego that change is necessary to evolve in life.
